It’s too hard to keep going, I fail my clients, it’s too much work, it’s too overwhelming, I can’t keep up with the competition. If you are currently in the situation when you don't know where to from now and you are losing it, don’t quit - this post can be for you. I don’t provide all the answers here but it’s a good start.
In 2016 we moved from Whitsundays to Byron Bay, that time my world of self-confidence crumbled to a million pieces. Day by day I realised that I am in trouble despite wanting to move here so much. By moving to Byron Bay so many doors suddenly opened, but I had to (have to) adapt to a brand new situation and work it out all over again. But let’s make one step back.
I have never been a shy, confident-less kid. At school, I was the fastest sprinter, from the age of 6 until 19 always a captain of the hockey team and I kept my body lean and robust practising everything that Van Damme did in his movies :). Even coming to Australia at the age of 32 didn't break me, it made me stronger. Learning a new language, apply the language in a specific environment such as fitness, attending mentorships, opening a studio. All these were so much fun so no wonder I felt like on top of the world, until 2016.
We are too young to settle; we can't grow anymore, we want more opportunities and more options (in almost everything), plus I couldn't deal with the heat. We need a new spark, a new fire. So a family decision has been made, we are moving out from Whitsundays to Byron Bay. To a small coastal town 35 minutes from Gold Coast. Regardless of what you will read below, I never regret this decision. Living here has been amazing, and as predicted, so many opportunities came along with it.
Opening my studio with my wife was the best decision I ever made (after marry her😍), and EvoPrime Fitness was my identity. By moving to Byron Bay, that identity was gone. I wasn't able to coach our members anymore. I lost daily touch with them, and I didn't feel that daily dose of satisfaction that I made someone's day. I started to feel helpless. I knew I am still a goddamn great coach, but I began to sink deeper and deeper.
I was looking for answers on social media, copying my mentors, spent more time by myself at home, always searching for the something special. I never had any inclinations to depression - I think I am too strong and I would pull the plug in the right moment, but it has been indeed a challenging time.
I WOKE UP IN THE RIGHT MOMENT
The right help came from my 20X - from the people I can reach out anytime I am feeling down. More people was (is) around to offer their hands but I particularly remember those two emails from my friends John and Derrick.
They weren't soft, they were pretty hard, but that's what real friends do. They put things into a different perspective and helped me to start turning the boat. But honestly, you always find the most significant support in person closest to you - my wife has been just unreal! She would give up everything for me, and this was precisely what I needed. I need her to grow, to be happy and my mission was always to live the most joyful life. So I stopped feel sorry for me and started to work hard.
THREE AREAS YOU NEED TO ADOPT TO FEEL RESILIENT
There are still some small puzzles from that crumbled house inside of me, but they are too small to call them a problem. In the end, better beats perfect.
1. LOOK AFTER YOURSELF FIRST
I don't even count how many times I said this before. Without you being healthy and resilient, it's tough to be the rock for someone else. Your self-care is the number one strategy to address for a reason. You can't help others if YOU are not ok. I switch to bullet points to make it more clear.
Move well, so you are a confident coach
Prevent pain by adopting preventative strategies, so you are walking the talk
Exercise and move often to maintain energy, cognitive resiliency and body language
Find yourself someone who will write your programs, yes even if you are a coach
Start the day by writing your gratitude sentence. One thing you are grateful for. I think it’s better to do it in the morning so you set the day.
Spend regular time in nature to get new ideas, to take a breath and pause.
On social media, unfollow everyone who makes you feel less confident. You don’t have to close your account, in fact you can find a lot of great articles and inspiration there.
Start being a kinder person. It will help you to be happy with the person you see in the mirror.
Give more and expect less. It will help you to avoid disappointments.
Clear up the past. It will help you to focus on the present.
2. LOOK AFTER YOUR EDUCATION
One of the biggest challenges we, coaches face is the feeling of being helpless. Not knowing what to do in a particular moment and not be able to justify our actions. These can result in a lack of trust from our clients and potentially losing them.
Continuing education, therefore, can be the answer to it. Be well-educated lifts overall confidence and self-trust. However, one thing I want to make clear. If you don't have a clue, be ok with it. Surround yourself with a network of people who can help you. Thank you IoM!
WHY CONTINUING EDUCATION IS GREAT FOR CONFIDENCE (just a few points)
Be able to justify your actions. Find yourself a mentor, read books (this is so hard for me - it's still exhausting to read a book), attend live events (even repeatedly). Read articles (did you know you can create folders on Facebook and save items into them?)
Be well backed up rather than following your personal belief. The era of "do this and don't do that" is gone. Move on.
Be able to have a conversation with other health care practitioners which will help you to create your 20X. Lean to each other. Thank you IoM!
Be able to accept criticism and turn it into the positive.
3. BE OK WITH WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU DO
I am who I am. I know that for some people I am too rough, to direct and maybe even too arrogant. I am not. It’s my outer layer. If you know me well you know that all I do is coming from my heart, I am driven by passion and emotions. I don’t like when people don’t have the opportunity to know the real me but I accepted that I can’t make everyone feel positive about me.
And then, there are other things. Comparing yourself to others, please everyone or mimicking what they do are the fastest routes to sabotage your health. Don't. I was there and it's not worth it. If you follow those two points above, this one will shape itself with less hard work.
Being globally resilient (not just your muscles) and knowing your stuff will help you to find your voice and be bold, but never lose your humility, kindness and respect.
Two more things, first, be entirely comfortable with the fact that no matter what you know, what you do or who you are there will always be people who will find something on you. Accept this and don't fight back. Be better and still treat them with kindness.
Second, it's you and you. Regardless of how many mentors or friends you have, in the end, it's up to your actions. Everyone is very busy with life, and although your real friends will always be there for you, you are the one sitting in the driver seat. Don't take it personally; they are doing their best too.
These three steps are helping me every day. Not every day is perfect; this is an impossible task to achieve, but #betterbeatsperfect always help.
I hope that this, for me, a very vulnerable post will help you to live every day with joy, happiness and satisfaction. Don't lose any precious time by being unmotivated, cranky or sad.
Be bold, be crazy, make mistakes - apologise for them - learn from them, be kind, love more, speak and act from your heart and celebrate achievements. Once you master them all, share this all with your clients 🤣.
PS. Would you rather listen to it? Ok, THIS video is not as thorough as this post but it’s a start.